WinterRain

Am I there yet?

2011-12-15T12:41:00.000-08:00

In life, we need to be transplanted a few times to be able to discover the true ground beneath our feet!

In September 2007, I ended my 8 years long career to enjoy the bliss of motherhood and the loving company of my husband.

He moved to England in 2006 and after a year's separation, we decided this was not meant to be! It was a decision that we made with our heart - live together as a family no matter what.

On 18 February 2008, Nainika came into our lives and gave our relationship a whole new dimension. As parents we rediscovered ourselves, our priorities and the importance of those small joys of life became clearer.

Most of my time was spent on feeding, changing and playing with her. The mother in me was taking over alas to only realise that the career woman in her was struggling to emerge at the same time. I volunteered at a local library once a week just to have something other than my life with the baby at home.

After Nainika's first birthday, I decided to take on more voluntary opportunities and took on some more work with Poetree Creations - a group of poets in the Midlands. With all the work and meetings, my pre-condition was to take Nainika with me wherever I went. The couple I worked with happily accepted my offer. Here I was discussing funding proposals, writing website content, strategising in meeting rooms, community centres, volunteer centre office with a baby in the buggy!

Gradually, the career woman in me perhaps needed more fulfillment so I decided to go the paid work way. Working at a playgroup seemed the logical choice. Sherwood Playgroup happily accepted me and Nainika. While she enjoyed being at the playgroup engaging with toys, activities and other children, I helped organise the activities, set up the playgroup and even manage the kitchen sometimes! Enjoyable as it was - this came with its own set of challenges.

The communications professional in me started taking over. I wanted to write about my work more than organise playscheme. I did some writing with the local magazines and blogs. By this time, Nainika was at a private nursery part time. We needed a bit more income to manage her fees so I decided to pitch in. After looking for jobs and being rejected for over qualification and too much experience, I got through a temp position with Boots in an administrative support role.

Through each transition and role, one thing was common - Me and my determination to get 'there' eventually. Having left behind a glorious career, the work I did now was trivial, insignificant and menial. I was nearing the point of frustration and self-doubt. My skill set must have shown as I began to get more important roles at work. From being a general temp, I now had a clear cut job responsibility and profile. A big step forward!

No matter how insignificant the job seemed at the time, looking back today I feel it was an opportunity for me to experience a life I would never ever know of! It gave me a whole new perspective and definitely made me stronger.

We moved to London in September 2011. The first permanent job I applied for in my niche area of expertise, I got it! It felt like time had not moved at all - as though I was now picking up my threads from where I had left them. The only difference - I was now a better person with a deeper understanding of the various circumstances that different people come from.

The past three years have taught me a lot about life. I had had several experiences in vocations I would never have imagined I could enjoy - homework helper for school children at the library, window dresser for a charity shop, admin assistant at a community radio channel, playgroup assistant at a children's playgroup and the list is endless!

Life throws you up against the odds. How one manages to swim against the tide without drowning is nothing short of a miracle!

Today I ask myself the all essential question again - Am I there yet?

Probably.......probably not! Life is too short to worry over petty things and too long to sorrow over what I haven't seen yet!

Happy Sad....

2009-11-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

Life's happiness is in the sadness it throws upon us sometimes....and the wise do remark over it thus: 'it's only a matter of time, my love!!'

A broken relationship may leave an emptiness and a feeling of self worthlessness in your heart. It may shatter you to bits. But life surely does have it's own sweet ways of curing your broken heart.

The future's definitely not ours to see....it is the distant truth of our lives that rebuilds our faith...even love in our hearts! The emptiness may remain for a long time to come...but it does fade away into being a tiny vaccum at the corner of your heart.

They say, life's cure is life itself. And indeed, how true is that! I have seen and heard of several people who in their bereavement, pick up a pet or even adopt children/families/other people. It is therapeutic in so many ways to focus on the responsibility of another life that you forget the pain, sorrow and worthlessness that you may have experienced earlier on.

To value those who are in your life today is truly divine. To love them, to care for them and to enjoy the moments passing by....it does fade away the sadness of a broken heart.

Life moves on.....and it must...

The day of mis-haps...this is what happened!

2009-08-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

It was an important day - Vinod had to leave early in the morning for a project release and later I was supposed to go to Birmingham for my passport renewal! And it was an important day for yet another reason, bigger than the former I guess......Rakshabandhan - Nainika and Abeer's first Rakshabandhan!

We woke up around 3 am. Vinod left around 3:30 am and since there wasn't enough time to pull out cash, he let me keep his debit card for expenses during the day. I finished all the housework, soonafter he left and got ready to go to Birmingham. Everything seemed perfect....except for the dull, rainy weather. This of course, if you've spent sometime in England, you get used to and it stops bothering you!

To save time, I thought I'd pull out the money from the ATM near my house. So I walked to the nearby ATM, inserted my card as usual....and then everything froze!

The machine got hung!

'cancel'...'cancel'....'clear'....'clear'....'cancel'...I kept pressing the buttons...but no luck....not a thing moved on that machine.....

The machine took the card in...but it wouldn't let it out...it was STUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I panicked........

'Hello....Vinod....I was er...using the card on the ATM..and as soon as I inserted it...got stuck...now it wouldn't come out.........No, I put it the right way......I am trying to cancel it......No....It doesnt say anything.......I'm sorry...But it's not my fault......I tried calling the ATM people their lines are busy...will try again....alright...yes, you also try....I am here...Will keep trying to cancel it yes....thanks!'

Finally after a number of tries..I got through to the ATM helpline.

'Hi, I am at so and so ATM and my card seems to have got stuck. I inserted it the right way and the machine's got hung...now it wouldnt let my card out....and I don't know what to do...perhaps you could help?'

The lady on the other end seemed too calm for me! Here I was....absolutely panick-struck and penniless.....still hoping and praying to get the card out, so that I could still get on that train and reach Birmingham...and get my passport renewed! All she said was, 'Sorry, I'm afraid we will not be able to do anything about it. You will need to speak to your bank and get the card cancelled/blocked.'

My brain stopped functioning....dripping all over from the rain with a baby in the push chair almost about to wake up.....and an angry and very busy husband....all I wanted to do was cry! In a panick I even somehow sent blank sms-es to my sister who called up immediately thinking something was wrong...(thanks Nee and sorry).

It was still 6:15 am! Who could I ask to lend me money early in the morning? Vinod's office was atleast 40 mins by bus..and then the extra time to pull out money.....no point goin to his office now!

I phoned my neighbour....first on the mobile...ring ring ring....NO REPLY! 'Darn! I thought...no luck today!' Then I gathered enough courage to call her on her home number...it would probably wake up the kids...but...I had no choice! Her husband answered the phone (he had perhaps just returned from a night shift and was tired and about to sleep...)

'Bhaiya....sorry to trouble you so early in the morning...but I have had a problem and needed help.'

He woke his wife up and I explained to her what had happened....she immediately sent her husband down to give me money. It wasn't even a tiny amount....everybody has financial crunch! Anyways...he gave me the money...a little extra than how much I needed at the time..even offered to drop me off at the station. I was already ashamed of what had happened...and guilty to have troubled them like this.

Well in time.....but all drenched in the rain....and cold...I managed to board the train. Now everything is fine I thought to myself....and reached the Indian Consulate in Birmingham. Back in Nottingham, Vinod had managed to get the card blocked and had the situation pretty much in control. I was at the embassy...well ahead of time but so were about 50 other people! The doors opened but the lifts weren't working.

The challenge: To weight-lift a pushchair with a baby in it to the second floor or keep waiting for the lift to work...which probably was out of order! I let Naina out and asked her to climb up the stairs...lifted the pushchair....nearly balancing myself. There were like I said about 50 other people...but none of them bothered to give me a hand at all except of course one kind lady almost about my age...who ferried Nainika to the second floor. Naina of course didnt like being picked up by a stranger...but I was more than thankful! As soon as I reached upstairs..I twisted my foot adn fell..hurting my back! Gathered myself up...thinking and praying hard that this be the last of the worst.....!

Submitted the passport...everything went well. Even got a bus back to the town centre. Got off at the train station bus stop...and went in to find that there were a flight of steps there....asked for the nearest lift to the train station. A gentleman gave me the directions...and I followed it...alas unable to find the lift!

It took me atleast an hour's walk before I managed to enter the mall and through there somehow onto the train station! Finally...the day nearly got over....Nainika ate a little something and I got myself a packed lunch.....found good company while on the way back on the train...

When I entered home...Nainika was fast asleep...changed her and put her in her cot..and well..yes me too...I crashed too!

In all this....the only thing that makes me very angry is......It wasn't my fault..and the ATM company showed no responsibility whatsoever in failing to provide good service! I am sure I can sue them legally for this! Do share your comments on this...and what you would do if you went through this situation?

- LKT

WinterRain: Have u noticed the kitchen shelf?

2009-07-16T03:50:00.000-07:00

WinterRain: Have u noticed the kitchen shelf?

Have u noticed the kitchen shelf?

2009-07-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

Have u noticed the kitchen shelf?

It is in a mess
Crumbs lie on the counter
Sauce spilt on the floor
The pan isn’t in its place either
So, Sam what are you gonna do about it?
Well, look at it………………………

Just look at the kitchen shelf?
It looks in a mess
Children have just been cooking
It is my first day at work
They packed my lunch………………
The eggs aren’t properly boiled
So, Sam what are you gonna do about it?
Well, preserve it…………..

Do you remember the kitchen shelf?
It always looks in a mess
Both the children are gone,
There are still crumbs
On the kitchen counter and the floor
So, Sam what have you been doing about it?
Well, cherish my album of nostalgia…………..

Heartbreaks and Heartaches....

2009-07-12T14:40:00.001-07:00

What smiles, aches
Of roses and stings

The truth, the lies
Of romances that sing

What blooms, withers
Of matrimonies that somehow work

What goes, comes around
Of responsibilities, you shirk

What breathes, chokes
Of memories untold

What lives, dies
Of what lay ahead, behold!

Made in Heaven

You Know You are A Kashmiri When....

2009-06-03T02:50:00.001-07:00

1) you have the kashur Nass (kashmiri nose).. we have a face on a nose!! It's like a nose broken into pieces and then reassembled by a 2 yr old..

2) you luuuuuv food!! No offense to fellow food lovers but we take our love for food one step ahead..

3) you take pride in being a kashmiri .. So much so, that you think that the human race should be divided into two groups:
a)People who are kashmiris and
b)People who wish they were kashmiris

4) you have atleast 10 Avtarkishan, Hridainath. and we pronounce it as hadeynath.. we just don't pronounce the r , Santosh, Pamposh,Usha, Bhusha, Shanta ..in your family..

5)You like alhach, wangan hach, hogaad.. I think kashmiris are the only people who dry perfectly good vegetables and then eat them...

6) All through your childhood you thought your father's name was "HEY YAPARHASA" (in hindi: arrey suntey ho ji or in english: hey will you listen to me a minute)

7)You learnt all the kashmiri 'WOH WOH' before you even learnt how to spell your name..

8)You look at non kashmiri people and say 'Uhn shikass'(rather not translate this!!)

9)Get excited when you see a kashmiri on television even if he's standing in the corner and all you can see is his finger..." Oh look kashmiri.."

10) your sense of fun is having batta (rice) and sleeping..

11) You are obsessed with gass (shit) and mandloo (ass)..

12) you go to a kashmiri gathering and turns out the next person is your relative that you havn't ever met.. some mamtur poftur boy (mother's brother's aunt's brother...or something like that)

13) your father addresses every person as "this is my another brother" turns out that person is the next door neighbour's sweeper's son..

14)You have a typical kashmiri name like Sheen (snow), sondri gondri, sukta (no idea!!!!!!)..

15) If you translate kashmiri into hindi in an attempt to speak hindi..
"hum ghar main teen aurtey hain"-" uss chi gharass manjh trey zanaan"

'airport par takleef mat aya'"airport peth maa ove takleef."
..

16) your mom gets scared at every tiny thing and says "kossay trath
hey payam".. and then reads the yindrakhi paath (religious chants)

17) you are a doctor or an engineer..

18) you eat every single organ of the goat like the chagul(goat testicles), charvan (liver), hooves, the kidneys we don't spare any part..

19) you have the funniest surname...

Zalpuri (zall which means pee) whyyyyy..
Kakroo.. (penis!!!)
Mattooo, kher (donkey) or what kashmiris call " Dunkey"
Wattal( garbage man).. pure genius..

20) have a thick acsent and pronounce scotch as ssakaych.. or smoke as ssamokh

21) have the weirdest style of dancing as if you are screwing two bulbs..

22) when your mother yells into the phone because its a long distance call!!

23) your real birthday is called "cake vohorvod"

24) you go into a kashmiri store just to show off how much you know
about kashmiri artifacts but buy nothing..

25) stuff people with food even if they are bursting upto their throats

26) you prefer kandarwaan over the baguette.

27) while going for an exam your mother asks the kachravol (garbage man) or the
dodhwol (milk man) to walk past you towards your right..

28) your mother sees some women on television with skimpy clothes and
calls her shikass mach, nang mach!! (crazy nude girl)

29) your father teaches you how to drive and all he can tell you is
breyk breyk breyk and when you finally stop he says gggassuuu
pppakooo..(c'mon move)

30) "hello hello bi chass b" (hello hello it is I) is your theme song..

31) have atleast 5 wokhuls and kajwatt in your house.

(courtesy: nikhil ganjoo and his interesting forward!! Thanks doc saab)

How about that!!!

2009-03-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we make love with our eyes.
Sometimes we make love with our hands.
Sometimes we make love with our bodies.
Always we make love with our hearts.
Love is a canvas furnished by Nature
and embroidered by imagination
- Voltaire

Let's cut straight to the point.....we all have romantic thoughts, memories that we cherish and moments we yearn for...don't we? Moonlit walks, dancing in the rain, soft lilting music that dimmed shimmering light...and that glow...thhat is difficult to hide!!

And then....we all get married!

And then.......all these....just become a thing of the past...and just memories...that we cherish!!

I am an advocate of romance in everyday life...and the expression of love through simple gestures! It is the little things that matter the most and go a long way in making up those lovely memory lanes!!!

Soo......I am writing a novel...or let's say trying my hand at putting together these bitter sweet memories and romances of life.....in order to celebrate the innocence, naivity, recklessness of first love as well as to fall in love with the responsibility, cautiousness, selflessness and the shear simplicity of the commitment called a married life!!

CROSSROADS is what examines what goes on in a woman's life in these different colours and flavours of romance. It is basically an effort to look at the various phases of love....

There is a quotation, I had many many years ago that comes to mind in this context:

'Love is not just about looking into each other's dreamy eyes, but to look in the future together and dream together'

Of cakes and candles and everything nice....

2009-02-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

So....the much awaited first birthday party was accomplished with much success! The decorations, the food and THE CAKE all were in perfect order! Leaving you with some of the images.

Oh yes, did I tell you about the dream I had early morning of Nainika's birthday? So it goes like this: I have just delivered Nainika and she starts to jump around, climbing up on chairs and playing with everything she could lay her hands on! And I tell her: 'Naina, beta you are a new born baby...you shouldn't be running around like this. Babies are supposed to sleep and not run around and climb like this!!!'

Parenting Notes (contd.) - Planning ur baby's first birthday party

2009-01-16T03:21:00.001-08:00

So....the agenda this time may not look as grave as it may be! Considering the baby's only a baby...(well!!) and wouldn't care two hoots what's happening....may just get intimidated by the whole damned party affair....may go off to sleep....or just might become cranky and keep wailing through the evening!!

Well, well.....let us not be so pessimistic here.

Let us start from the starting....

the first conversation about the burning topic went something like this:

me: So, Naina's going to be a year old soon eh!
vin: yeah....can you believe it?
me: hmm...we need to do something special for her first birthday vin!
vin: I know..I was thinking of a dinner party at a restaurant..we haven't thrown a proper party since she was born!
me: U think u want to do that...it just doesn't sound right. It's too impersonal...naah..not that. Let's do something that she can appreciate...may be something absolutely simple?
vin: Mmm....so let's do a family outing - just naina, you and I? May be go to a leisure place for kids? Like a themepark or a zoo?
me: May be....but will she like it at the zoo? And will she be able to enjoy any activities at a themepark??? Not too sure about that either....need to think harder I guess...
*---------------------*-------------------------*--------------------------------*

So after that early brainstorm....our brains went into a state of a literal storm...mostly mine! The thoughts went like this:

1. May be take her out with her friends...and just get them to do fun things at the city centre fun centre...(resting place cum snack corner with activity pens for parents and kids) - this would be a rather cheap option! treat them on KFC snacks and icecream and then give them a return gift?
Analysis: This would mean their parents will go along...and then the simple outing at the city centre may not be a good idea after all?? Hmm....so think harder...something else!!

2. Since the neighbours and office friends may not gel well with each other....do two separate parties over two weekends! (two parties will be a huge affair to manage.....too much hassle and too much work!!!!!!!!) Wont work out....need to still think harder!!

3. It should be a family thing right? So forget about a party....lets just do a family outing and dinner out...(party anyways we'll have to have...coz friends would expect that right???) hmm...no...doesnt work out!

Phew!!! We were both getting tired by this time...and then a brainwave occured...

4 (a) Okay...so if Vin takes an off on her birthday (which he promised he would), we could take her to a zoo or an amusement park where she could have some fun!! (for a year old this may be too ambitious...but who knows...may be she does enjoy it??) Plan okayed.....nothing too brilliant...but just a day out for the family.

4 (b) Then....in the evening...call her friends over and the neighbours as well for a small tea party and cut a cake. (teaparty....well....on a weekday....huh...it should be alright...coz people do return home around 6 pm...so they could come straight to our place...for a chai session - ready made chai is a welcome thing for all eh??) Good...so thats brilliant.

4 (c) Hmm.....Over teh weekend following the birthday...call the office friends and family friends over for a dinner do. This be the lavish four-five course dinner running into the night.

So..the tensions for the party etc are settled....now the real worry begins to haunt me...!!!!!!!! Naina still wont rememsber all this and wouldn't cherish this....PLUS this still would be an average birthday do!!!!!!!!!!!

The next brain wave occured.....and BINGO...a brilliant idea struck!!!!!!

5. Buy a plain tshirt..her current size...get all teh family and friends to write messages on it. Then do a foot print or a hand print of Naina on it....to personalize it. Get the messages written on it..(for family in India..ask them to prepare their messages and send to us on sms/email etc..and we print it for them on the tshirt..and get it signed later)...Preserve this as her remembrance from the first birthday along with a few tid-bits of her birthday and a tiny album with pictures! This will be a cherishable memory for her as well as us for life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brilliant...well....do let me know what u did for your baby's first birthday or if you are still mama's baby...Do find out and then share with me on this blog what ur mom-dad did for ur first birthday!!!!!!!!

As for me...I've got a lot of work to do.....preparing a collage for her first birthday decorations!!!!!!!!!!! Will post it here once I am ready....watch me!!!!!!!

Now I know....

2009-01-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

What changes the sweet smelling romance of winter rains into the horrors of pneumonia!!
What magic a toothless smile makes!!

Where to hide away sharp and metallic objects!!
Where to socialise and where not to..!!

How to carry out everyday tasks without losing sight of ur little brat!!!
How to save money for a rainyday instead of using it up on the BIG SALE!!

Who put the shoe-shine in the washing machine!!
Who invented the word 't-r-o-u-b-l-e' and that it's address is just a step ahead!!

Why somebody once said...'life ain't fair, lax!!'
Why mums are not just mums, they are super-mums!

Parenting Notes contd. - Baby's Nursery.....

2008-03-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

It is difficult being a parent - your lifestyle needs to change and world starts revolving around the needs, wants and happiness of your offspring.

One of the most basic and important things that a brand new parent-to-be is excited about, mostly moms-to-be....setting up the baby's nursery/room/corner!!! We all want to do a lot for our little ones don't we? But more often than not we are limited by time, space (oh yes, imagine a separate room or a nursery in a crammed flat in Delhi or Mumbai!!!) and most importantly, money!! It is heartbreaking of course to even think of money as a limiting factor but well, reality surely bites...

Now one thing we all love to do especially the new brand of internet savvy mums-to-be is to surf the internet and find out the most fascinating ideas on setting up a nursery!! And so, I was no exception.....

From very stylish and funky nurseries to very basic and simple ones, I looked up samples of all kinds. From the use of very soothing whites and pastels to the use of absolutely bold and bright colours, everything was so exciting that it felt just a click away to order a nursery. You pay for it and some professionals come and set up your baby's nursery...nice and easy...fits into your budget and you have a beautiful professionally done up space for your little one!!

Then the other day, I decided to look up the attic to clear out space and to throw away useless stuff occupying unnecessary space in the attic. While cleaning up the attic...I found some stuff that gave me a bright idea!! Best out of waste....and a cost effective, self made nursery!!! Not only was this a great idea to set up a nursery myself but was also a good use for the plenty of time I had normally at hand to kill!!

At the end of it all, I had managed a pretty okay looking nursery (corner) for our baby!! Internet ideas surely helped position the nursery keeping lighting, natural light, ventilation etc in mind!! My tip to all mums-to-be: Do-it-yourself nurseries are the best simply because it is made of love, dreams and affection!!!

oh by the way.....do look up this for some cool suggestions!!! http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/girl-room-themes.html

Parenting Notes.....

2008-03-14T06:25:00.001-07:00

So finally baby Nainika pooped!!! After 6 whole days and nights of anxiety...and frequent nappy checking...yesterday night's nappy checking wasn't in vain...she had yes, finally she did poop!!! Yipeeeee...........................
We've never been so happy to see poop/potty ever in our lives like we were yesterday....!

So last six days, while we the adults were anxious and upset about her not pooping, baby nainika was happily passing wind, burping and doin her usual stuff....the tummy was also soft...and we were perplexed...as to what the reason for her not pooping could be!! The health visitor, the midwife and then even the General Physician (GP) were alerted and put on back up! Calls were made to India...and I in my usual cyber help style...asked for help online..from friends who were either docs themselves or someone known to them was a child specialist!!

The respite to an extent came first with the visit to the local GP at our surgery (dispensary) who said, 'she will eventually poop, and she looks normal and not in pain...so nothing to worry really!!'. Then later in the evening when still after having fed her with a couple of spoonfuls of warm (boiled) water she had not given us the essential gift, I lost my head....and was thinking of trying the orange juice remedy and glycerine trick. Vin then calmed me down and showed what research said about it online..and we came across info about babies not having poooped for 21 days straight!! The reason: Breastfed babies usually do not get constipated (ahaa...one more benefit of breastfeeding) and have little waste as they utilise it completely. So for babies to not poop for days together is normal as they are not producing any waste...!!!!

But even research couldn't console me for long....thankfully though when we least expected it...baby nainika finally did it!! And we all rejoiced and danced!! Sounds funny eh? But thats one of the simplest joys of parenthood!!!

Good For Nothing... (Old blogs 3)

2008-01-25T11:26:00.001-08:00

moving a pebble is easier than moving a mountain......be at it!!!

My entry into the social development sector happened as a matter of coincidence. Like they say...things suddenly fall into place...and you don't really have a choice.

(part 1)....

Having been an active student in school, I yearned for all the creative stimulation I could gather....through dance, music, writing etc. Forcibly took science....but then thats where I realised lay my mistake. Having suffered at the mercy of physics, chemistry and biology teachers......who wanted to convert us into crammers, I realised this was enough.

I still remember the vacations before our class 12th results were to be announced. I started teaching english grammar because of the love for the languages and the concern for children not being able to write proper languages - both english and hindi. My experiment started with 3 children studying in classes 3, 4 and 5. Another thing I did was to enrol myself in a typing class - I had always imagined myself to be a writer who is typing on a typewriter (this was from the days when computers weren't very popular and of course writers were stereotypically associated with typewriters). I enjoyed my double role as a budding writer and an educationist (in a nascent stage). I dropped out of the typing class in only 15 days as I got bored of the monotonous tick tick of the keys and because I felt I had learnt the basic finger positioning.

Things continued for a couple of months like this and then came the Judgement Day - Class 12 board results were announced. I wasn't at all hopeful of the marks - have never really cared for them. But it seems the entire world at that time was bothered only about who scored how much. My parents forced me to go to the school to check out my result and I resisted but in vain. I was hoping that I manage to somehow get pass marks especially in physics and chemistry - my most hated subjects. Wonder why these subjects lose all their mystical charm in school text books. They turn into scary formulae and equations and not interesting concepts and examples. Writing text books is not a joke, you see....!!!!!!

Anyways, the embarrassment started - 'you are a good for nothing...only keep dreaming and wasting your time', said my Dad. In a couple of days I was made to realise how useless my certificates and writings were. How silly my ambition was....and how ridiculous it was to dream of being different and not saying things like, 'oh I want to be a Doctor...an Engineer....a Professor.....an IAS officer......blaah blaaah blaah...... I had refused to sit for any of those torturous Medical and Non-Medical entrance examinations - - I always knew they weren't for me. These were things that the more academic sorts did - I was a creative person, not meant to cram formulae and reproduce them on a piece of paper against a stop-watch.

While walking back from the market after getting my marksheet xeroxed, I told my best friend Meetika, 'I can't give up yet. I won't give up. I will show them that these marksheets are just a piece of paper - I promise you I will prove to them that I can manage a succesful career of my choice without my physics, chemistry and biology gradings.' Then followed a long silence.....Meetika had got very good marks, in fact I think she even topped in some subject. She had made her folks proud. But interestingly, there was something common between us - the desire to stand apart from the crowd. We wanted to be recognised as individuals. Her mom and dad are doctors and everyone's expectation was (with her excellent marks etc) that she would also opt for MBBS. She didnt write any entrance exams for Medicine as well. She wanted to study psychology....and become a counsellor. She was good at those sort of things - would listen patiently to me, nod at the right pauses....and talk very meditatively....and would never advice but would help me speak out what I thought was right.

Right.....Meetika had decided what she wanted to do. I was left wondering where my life was headed. Luckily I heard about a bachelors' degree (B.A. Hons) in Journalism in Delhi University. This information came as God sent for me and I had a short-term goal to look forward to. I remember having gone home and told my parents that I am going to study journalism and nothing else. I found out that it was being offered at five colleges in Delhi and I was eligible to write the entrance exam at 3 of those colleges - luckily one of them - Delhi College of Arts & Commerce was the first college to start an undergraduate programme in journalism. 3 days for the entrance exam - I went through almost all magazines, brushed my basic grammar (thanks to Wren & Martin), put together my file with articles, writing samples and published material. The third day, I was numb - I was doing what I had not wanted to do - write an entrance exam.

Now, I met another friend Upasana who was preparing for engineering entrance exams etc...and I told her to apply for journalism. And she had better marks than I, so was eligible in all the colleges. We both wrote our exams......the results were to start coming out in the evening. My mom dad were both very anxious - first the embarrassment of very low marks, now perhaps another one in the offing!!! I stood back and waited for them to look up the list - I refused to browse through it. So my Dad started looking from the end of the list ......and didnt find my name till almost near the top. He was now close to the top 40 odd names.....when he looked back at me and said...I dont think you are there. This was DCAC - I had to be here, I thought to myself. Upasana's mom shouted...oh Lakshmi your name is here. Upu didnt get through. Mummy and Daddy looked at each other and for once smiled!!!

I smiled at them and at myself.....I knew it!!!!!!!!! Then was the hurdle of the interview.....managed it somehow....and got through DCAC. I promised myself yet again....now this is my weapon to prove to this world that there is life beyond the black and white print of the marksheets.....and none of my siblings will be subject to the tortures of marksheets and forced subject choices.....

- L.K.T -

SATISFACTION.......(guaranteed??)............(Old blogs....2)

2008-01-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

Expectations define the sense of satisfaction one yearns for....

Let me share with you a small anecdote with you. I was associated with a local NGO in Uttaranchal where I met this young gentleman - Anmol - extremely talented, an IRMA graduate who has continued to stay in the hills there. Looking at his calibre and talent, I would often wonder why he would continue to work in the NGO despite not being remunerated very well (financially). So, out of curiosity I once asked him what made him stay back here and not work with bigger agencies for much better money and name. He smiled at me and narrated to me a small story.....

'There was a small bird who made a small nest on a tree-top. The bird would fend for food all day and return to the nest - happy and satisfied. One day, a bird-catcher caught her and sold her to a rich man in a big town. The bird was put in a golden cage and given lots of grains to eat. The rich man tried to take good care of the bird but something told him that the bird was not happy. So one day, the rich man asked the bird......why despite all this love, care and luxury, she continued to be sad. The bird said to the rich man home is where my heart is. I am here without my heart that is why I am so sad. My mind wanders back to my small straw nest, where I did not have the best luxuries of this world but that is where I belong.'

He paused a bit and looked at me. Then he said...my nest is here. No matter where I go, what I do..my heart would remain here. I would keep yearning to return. And what I want is just the satisfaction of doing what I like. If I am fortunate enough to have a beautiful house, family, career and passion - all near home. Why must I travel distances, take on all the stress and not feel happy.

Each time I think of my expectations from life, I am reminded of the story that Anmol had narrated to me. And it forces me to think if my heart is where I am. Do we ever think of our tender, little heart ever while making all the career plans? I doubt it...I am not sure. It seems that money is an important factor, if you were to build the nest. I am perhaps a wandering bird just like the several others - who is putting together the straw shreds to build a nest.

What I don't understand is what is the one thing that will guarantee satisfaction? Let me take another example -

My sister is a journalist. She was working with a national daily, covering a beat that she really enjoys. She always wanted to do what she was doing. But only a couple of years down, her sense of satisfaction was over. She was happy but unsure if she would continue to be happy if she went on doing it. She was growing..in her career, maturity and therefore, the satisfaction bar was now higher. There were many a frustrating moments of why she was doing what she was doing in the first place. What next? Why not something else? - - these questions would haunt her day and night. She decided to move into feature writing...now she is happy.

This is a classic example of what phases we are confronted with often in our career path. Once you sit down to analyse and reflect on the relevance of your career vis-a-vis what you aspire to do in life. Once you review your basic expectations from life. Once you begin answering questions your heart asks, there is an upheaval.

My father, like all loving and doting parents calls me atleast twice everyday. Ever since, I got married he has continued calling without fail. The only exceptions have been days when either he is unwell or really upset.

Good Morning! How are you my darling?

Are you busy? / You seem to be very busy today.

Are you happy?

Wish you a very happy day....

These are his standard words to me every morning. The one question that jolts me totally is "Are you happy?" Although, I seem to be happy and cheerful, but I am not sure if I respond to him honestly if I say I am happy. What is the meaning of happiness? It may mean different things to different people. As for me, it only means if I am satisfied with what I am doing. I ask myself the question several times over and I have a mixed response to it in my mind. I like doing what I am doing therefore, I am here. But am I really doing what I meant to do in life - I am not really sure.

I have met a number of interesting people and one of them happens to be my friend - Celine. Celine Guillemot is a French girl. I met her during her back-packing trip to India and I met her in Dehradun.

I was sitting in the library at Dehradun when I noticed a foreigner sitting on the floor in a corner reading through a research report of the NGO whose library we were in. Sometimes even I enjoyed sitting on the floor but this was unusual. The library wasn't very well-lit and the weather wasn't particularly warm. I asked her why she was sitting on the floor. This shabby-looking young petite girl only smiled and said, "No, no, I am okay. The chair will become dirty if I sat on it.". There was a lot of innocence and concern in her tone. On insisting a few times, she finally agreed to sit beside me on the chair.

Celine had come to India in search of hand-made paper. She had heard through one of the visitors to her village in France that India has hand-made paper making places. We became good friends and she told me that she had already worked with a thread-making company in Germany. Since, she wasn't particularly employed anywhere, her means were very modest and she wasn't carrying a lot of money with her. On asking how she managed her travel she told me that she was an acrobat and knew a few juggling tricks. So, each time she ran out of money, she would do a few tricks and gather a crowd and take rewards in the form of money from the crowd for her magnificent display of skill.

Her courage and determination were truly comendable. The most intersting part is that she did succesfully locate a hand-made paper making factory in Nepal. She returned after a couple of months to India and I was pleasantly surprised to hear her voice - "Lakshmi I am back. I know how to make hand-made paper and in fact, I am going to help these guys sell some of their products in my country." I met her later and got to know how she had struggled everyday to reach her goal. Her voice had a tone of immense satisfaction, a sense of victory!

Till date, this spirit of adventure, the courage she had to set an almost impossible looking goal for herself and achieving it impresses me to the core. And today, if I sit down and match Anmol's narration of a homing bird with Celine's adventures - I am left wondering what expectations really are!

I go to work day after day, do a few things, feel satisfied, feel frustrated at times, get angry about a few things and then go to work day after day again. I am yet to undertake the kinds of adventures Celine undertook. I am yet to discover my home and where I belong. I am sure that while you read this, you would certainly relate to something here. Or you would have a few personal experiences of satisfaction and expectations. I would love to hear them.....

I am a moment...waiting to happen!!

Making your Decisions...... (older blogs...1)

2008-01-25T10:59:00.000-08:00

"growing up is about making your own decisions and owning them....."

Ever wondered what is the difference between a mature and immature individual? What is the indicator of being an Individual? What exactly makes you stronger with each adding year of experience? Why is it that younger children need guardians to look after them, freshers need mentors .....
Think about it.....it is nothing but your ability to take a Decision.

It is that act of responsibility where you start telling the world that you are ready to make informed choices. There are many a times I have noticed in my career that the more experienced you get, the more immune you tend to become to the influences on your decisions. Well! I am not sure if it is good or bad but it seems to be a good way to confront the world around.
As parents and guardians, we are always nervous about our children's abilities to make a decision so we do what is most convenient - decide for them. It all begins with what they should wear, when they are feeling cold, when they are feeling hot, when they should eat, when they should play, what time should they sleep, what books should they read, what entertainment would be best for them, who should be their friends (oh yes.....havent you heard of this one before!!) and so on. Now, I have often asked myself if this was a compulsive disorder of Indian mothers or was this equally prevelant in other countries, societies as well! I still dont have an exact answer but I can quote an overheard conversation in a bus in London:

A little girl gets on the bus with a gentleman...the body language implied that they may be father and daughter. The girl must not be older than 7-8 years. She was meditatively thinking for a while, making observant statements about passersby...the clothes they are wearing, the landmarks in a place etc and then after a pause, she said, ' Dad I wanted to discuss something with you and mom...about my art class. Do you think we could talk it over today at dinner?' The father in a normal, casual tone said, 'Sure thing'.

Now, this would have seemed like a normal conversation otherwise. But it somehow caught my attention and has stayed in my mind. The maturity with which the little girl initiated the parent into her possible decision over something...was indeed impressive. Overhearing the conversation, I could tell that there was a level of comfort between the adult and the child.....which was remarkable. This is the kind of thing that brings out confidence and faith in an individual in his/her own thoughts and actions and reinforces decisions.
I have very rarely seen parents discussing with their children what the children would like. However, recently I was at a busy shopping mall browsing through some clothes. Adjacent to the racks where I was browsing through was the children's section. Something very fascinating caught my fancy....
A little boy...barely 3 years old was very carefully pulled out a hanger from the rack (with several other dresses) - - the dress was in very bright, pleasant colours. He pulled out the hanger with the dress...walked upto the mirror, put the dress against his mid-waist (probably the dress was heavy for him to manage pulling upto his chest!!). Then, stopped a moment, gazing at the mirror, smiled and walked back putting the hanger back on the rack. The boy repeated the action atleast 10 times...the feeling of immense pleasure reflecting on his proud face. Suddenly, the fun shopping spree was interrupted when the mother came and snatched the hanger from the boy's hands, and lifted the boy and took him away.....totally missing out on the boy's engagement for the last ten minutes or so...that I had witnessed!!!

Well! Here I say again.....if parents can be a bit more observant of their children and rejoice in the little steps they make to explore the world.....more and more children would be proud individuals. But I guess...there are many many miles to go before we realise these things...........probably, because our growing up years haven't been about making our own decisions!!!!!

- L.K.T.

Relationships etc...

2008-01-24T13:11:00.000-08:00

This one is for all those who are preparing to enter a new relationship...

G= Girl
B= Boy

When you two met each other, and met each other again and again.....you both tried to gauge whether there is any compatibility and if you two want to spend your lifetime together. Right?

Well, I am sure you discussed families, family backgrounds, cultural differences and similarities, likes and dislikes, typical habits etc. While 'B' is looking for a wife to take care of him and his family and be his partner, 'G' is looking for a husband to take care of her and her family and be her partner. Correct?

We all have our own criteria and parameters which we want to be fulfilled when we are looking for our match – and then whatever seems the best fit, we arrive at a decision and declare to our family and friends that the search for a life partner is over. We all, and I really mean, we all do it.

We are all looking for an ideal match for ourselves and have sketched out roughly in the mind what that person is going to be like. Now, the means to find our ideal match may vary – sometimes you meet him/her through a common friend in a party, you may even accidentally bump into the person somewhere and then as destiny may have it keep having romantic interludes and then end up dating the person. You may also meet your ideal match very early in your life – childhood romance!! Or you may end up not meeting the ideal match even though you are nearing the age when you will be grand dad/grand mom or atleast dad/mom!! You may meet your life partner through a love marriage or an arranged marriage.

There may be hundreds of ways in which you will have met or will meet your ideal match. Now mark my phrase – ‘your ideal match’ and not ‘the ideal match’. There is a subtle difference in the phrase, where only the mechanics of it varies....and not the institution in itself. Marriage is the sacred institution we are referring to here and is the most important thing under discussion. It really doesn’t matter whether it happens in an aircraft or on an island, whether it happens between an American and an Indian or if it happens in the same 'caste' and 'community'! It is at the end the holy matrimony between two individuals and their families (yes, families in all relationships, at all times is most important!!) Although we do refer to our spouse/spouse-to-be as our life partner. We perhaps, limit our understanding of or even often fail to comprehend the true meaning of the two individual words – ‘life’ and ‘partner’.

The partnership therefore, in most cases is one-sided and only one person is expected to make all the adjustments. 'B', I am sure you have a lot of expectations of 'G' – whether she will make a good daughter-in-law and help my Mum with home and kitchen, whether she will be a great wife and obey me and do whatever I ask her, that she must love me the most and I must be the priority for her at all times – this directly implies the fact that her outings with her friends will be replaced at all times with outings with me/time spent with me. Any free time that she will have will automatically be understood to be mine....and so on and so forth. 'G', I am sure you have a lot of expectations of 'B' too – whether he will take care of my parents and sisters, whether he will be able to take on the role of a friend and a son to my father, if he will be able to mingle with my friends and treat them as his friends. If he will let me pursue my career the way I have been pursuing it and even help me do better at it, whether he will help me adjust with his family...whether he will always be around if I need support in making my initial space in the family! Will he always be faithful to me, will his love be unfailing and will it grow with each passing year? I hope his past does not affect our relationship in any way!! And so on and so forth.

Well! What I have listed out here is a few (very few) inert expectations in each of us – whether it is a boy or a girl when we set out our first journey to shortlist our life partner. What we do here is a SWOT analysis of our partner and our expectations of them. We mentally frame out a small grid and then try to tick all the positives in it, we count the positives – the more the positives, the better choice it is. Right? What we end up doing in this process is to build an image of our ideal match – and mind you, this process goes on till the time we are married even....and in most cases, continues even after that! That is why we constantly ask our partner/partner-to-be the same question –‘ I hope you will be able to adjust into my family.’ ‘I hope you and I will make the perfect couple’. ‘I hope I can be the perfect wife/husband to you’.....and so on..!! Now, what is happening here is that we forget to make that grid for our own selves and are always analysing the other person for all these parameters.

How many times have you asked your own self what are the things that you lack or need to work on. Even if you may have thought about it and may have made a mental note of it, have you dared discuss it with your partner to be? No!! You chickened out, perhaps thinking that it may lead to unnecessary judgements about you or your character in his/her mind. I have noticed in almost all the modern relationships, that both the guy and the girl feel it is important to share about past relationships with their partner to be. It is a brave thing to do and a really commendable thing to do as well! However, just by telling your partner about past relationships does not bail you out from the possibility of returning to one of those past relationships and therefore, in no way is a guarantee for your faithfulness.

Trust must be cultured and built over a period of time. And mind you, there have been cases where there is immense trust – even blind trust in the partner’s faithfulness and it has taken only someone’s remark to have broken and shattered that entire trust, built over years!! But if you ask me, trust is something that must always be – because it is your belief in your partner and therefore, in your ownself. It may happen that the partner may folly – we are all humans after all and sometimes we may be confronted with weak moments. But if your faith in your partner and in your love and in your relationship is strong, the weak moment can be confronted and overcome! However, if your faith is in doubt right from the first day and there is suspicion in your mind from the beginning, then even a small reason is reason enough to shatter that trust and end that relationship.

I once read this quote and remember it even now… ‘The beauty of a relationship is not in looking into each other’s eyes, but in looking ahead together.’

And at the end of it, whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, don’t you think it is a unison of two people and their families, and a convergence of two different lifestyles, cultures to lead the life together as one!!

Khan Chacha

2008-01-24T04:10:00.000-08:00

'Ha! Ha! Ha!! To phir mainey kab maangey hain. De dena kabhi darmiyaan mein..', you will usually hear him say to his tenants (like us) whenever we tell him jokingly that we don't have money.

I know what you're wondering, why would someone write a blog on her landlord...what would be so special!! Well, simply because my first reaction when I saw him and spent 10 minutes with him was - he is just like Santa Claus!! No kidding..really! Dont believe me? Well, here..picture this:

He wears the same clothes (so it seems) everyday.....has a black 'shaneel ship-shaped topi' underneath which his white velvetty hair shine like fresh snowfall, his equally snowy beard and rosy red cheeks which peep from underneath. Day after day, you see him in his white fleece jacket with a formal trouser, shirt and sweater underneath and yes, formal black shoes.

An owner of 17 houses in Nottingham and at an age of 74 years, he is a really busy man! He walks slowly with a huge bunch of keys in his pocket...(wonder how he fits those in his pockets...if I put so many keys in my pockets, it would tear the pockets!!) and is always on the move, tirelessly visiting tenants, checking on repairs, getting things fixed and generally meeting and greeting 'his kids' while he does all this. He drives around in his white mercedes which he proudly remembers he had 'bought when he started his life here at a pretty steep price!!!'

As tenants of Khan Chacha, you know that you are getting an apartment for almost a dirt-cheap price and you are dealing with a gentleman of his kind, you will perhaps never come across in today's fast-paced, money-minting time. But then, there is a sort of patience you require if you need to have something fixed or replaced or done up in the apartment! He personally examines the trouble and then would say he will bring an expert the next day to examine it, lest he causes further damage! Now, you would think that he has a whole syndication of experts in wirings, plumbing, home repairs etc etc...you are partially correct. So far, each time we've had to fix anything...it is his fellow Chris who would come in and examine it and attempt to fix it. Chris, is perhaps used to Khan Chacha's style of working -

Step 1. Examine it, try to evaluate whether some easy, think of a quick, home remedy of the sorts that may help fix the troubled part.
Step 2. Go to the store, get the tid-bits that may be fitted in to solve the problem for now.
Step 3. If trouble persists, go to the seconds store/sunday market or some such to get a second/third hand equipment and replace it with the earlier one.
Step 4. If the 'new equipment' gives trouble, repeat steps 1 to 4 and so on so forth.

Don't get me wrong - I really appreciate the effort he puts in and the personal attention he gives to each of our difficulties. It does worry him to think that the washer is not working...how will my kids manage without the washer..it is difficult. He will even go to the extent of taking you to a public washer and offer to pay for the washing for you because it is his moral responsibility afterall!! He worries that you have not been able to save any money this month so it is okay, if you

He has a flat on one of the streets - Gregory Boulevard where a group of students stay. That house has bed bugs and this really worried him to the extent that he was willing to move them to another flat of his and not give the new flat on rent till the time their trouble was relieved! Now in that flat on Gregory Boulevard, the bed bugs issue has persisted for a while and earlier tenants must have tried to tell him about it, but after having kept the patience for a while, they started throwing out the bedding!! This annoyed Khan Chacha..but it was not until very recently that it dawned upon him the reason why they would throw the bedding out.

In one of the longer chit-chat sessions with him, he expressed his pain over their plight and how they had suffered because he didnt understand their difficulty! He kept thinking and worrying about it for days together.....blaming himself for their plight. In between, he would say that none of his other flats in all these years have had this problem so it is perhaps one of them who brought the bugs with their bedding - trying to perhaps, console himself that it wasn't his fault afterall!!

Khan Chacha is as full of interesting anecdotes and 'misaals' as he is of affection for all his tenants. An interesting thing about his personality is that he is not judgemental at all in many ways but is quick to jump to conclusions too many other times. Like for instance, a fight broke out between two adjacent tenants over car parking and one of them reported the other to the police....now, like anyone of course everyone would think it is the fault of one of them and in all probability, side with one and suspect the other. With Khan Chacha, he analysis the situation and says it is nobody's fault or it is both their fault...then after a pause he would say, it is your fault also...and go into peels of laughter!! ha ha ha....'gaadi to tumne bhi khareed li uske baad to tumhari galti hai...'

If you told him that you that you don't like the tenant in the flat across the road and that she is very quarrelsome....he would not lose time and would correct you and say, 'no no..she is a nice person. You are mistaken about her...a bit quick tempered but it isn't her fault you see. If you irritate someone and test their patience, they would lose their temper eh!' He would then pause andn add...'but she always offers me chai and namkeen...nothing more than that!! khaana nahi khilaya usney...(never offered me food!!) ha ha ha!!'.

Each time he visits us, we normally have friends over so have some or the other snack party going on and obviously like good hosts offer it to him!! But a few weeks back, when his visits to our place became too frequent, he said one day after a relishing pao bhaaji treat..'i want you to stop offering me such heavy snacks and food...it is not good. Our wise men have said that you shouldn't eat at people's place unless they invite you...because if they invite you then you are considered to be welcome otherwise you are just barging in!!' The only time I tried to counter this argument was when I said, 'No Khan Chacha, we like it when you come. Plus, we have a famous statement that every grain of eatable has the name of the one destined to eat written on it - daane daane pe likha hota hai khaane waale ka naam'. To this, because he did not want to agree...he said, 'see we have learnt to write our names on food even...such is the human race!!'

He is non-judgemental but has been cheated so often by his tenants who either don't pay him in time or run away without paying off bills, rent etc...He quickly decides after having suffered huge losses that I am not going to keep people of this community as my tenants. Like for instance, the flat we stay in now....was occupied by a group of Polish people who ran away leaving behind huge debts, unpaid gas and electricity bills which have run into several hundreds of pounds. He has decided (so he tells us) that he will not have any Polish tenants!! 'Nahi doonga mein Polish ko makaan...bahut nuksaan kiya.' Then he will be the first person to say that 'it is not their fault. They were actually not very careful about saving money and spending it carefully. They didn't realise that they had to first pay off the bills etc and then spend it on luxury. That is why they left in such a hurry!!'

Khan Chacha is now paying off all the unpaid bills, fines etc besides having suffered losses of not being given the rent amount!! If you try to tell him to be stricter with his tenants and take advance money like other land lords, he would say, 'It is okay. I have been given this opportunity to help people out with their housing problem and am not interested in a lot of money. By God's grace because of the love of all my tenants and goodwill, all my 17 houses are occupied, I don't need to worry. Sometimes it happens that I incur losses, but that is all part of business. Ha ha ha!!'

Khan Chacha, the owner of 17 houses in Nottingham day before yesterday rushed to our friend's flat (another tenant of his) because our friend had lost his keys and couldn't get in. He immediately came all the way from his house to open the flat with his set of keys and then realised there were guests at home and he didn't have money. He asked our friend to loan him money for a few days.....which he would return!! This despite the fact that the tenant had still not paid him the complete rent!! I remember in our earlier flat, the landlord was a younger, more aggressive businessman. I had left the keys inside and asked him to lend me his pair for a bit to simply to open the door so that I could take my set of keys...He immediately said, 'that will be 15 pounds!!'

So now you know why I wanted to write about Khan Chacha....our very own dear old Santa Claus!! Ever seen anyone like him before??